I'm here again. It's raining now, sitting on the chair on my balcony again. Little raindrops slightly hitting on me. Listening to soft music again, enjoy being alone. No I don't hate the crowds but it's very nice relaxing alone sometimes, thinking deeply about what I've done in the past, looking at all the flashbacks, smiling quietly. Calm and soothing. It will be perfect if there's two cups of coffee and my bestfriend here. Hehe.
You know, sometimes I think it's a blessed to have a best friend. One call and there she/he is, giving you his/her shoulders and hugs whenever you need it, talking about the world and your futures together, living next to each other with our own family someday, saying that non of us will leave each other forever. I'm sure it isn't easy to look for one though. Looking for a person you could trust no matter what, knowing that he/she will support and stand by your side through your toughest moment, accepting you for whatever you are, listening to whatever craps you're talking yet thinking it's funny, giving you relationship advice and so on. As hard as looking for a soulmate. I think the only different between a bestfriend and soulmate is that your heart wouldnt beat faster everytime you meet them, you wouldn't care how you look like whenever you're with them. I don't really know actually, since I never touch love. But what I heard is, if you really found your soulmate, you just know.
I have alot of friends around me, but I'm not sure how many of them cares. For bestfriend, I have someone in mind, but I'm starting to doubt if he thinks the same way too. I started keeping everything to myself, not because he isn't trustworthy, he seems busy and I know he'll spend time listening to me but I don't think it's right for me to disturb him. Thus, he has alot of friends around him. I don't know which place am I now.
Sometimes, I chose to kept silence and not telling anyone anything was not because of some big secret or something, I just don't like being judged by my mistakes. I already know what I've done wrong, so I'm tired of repeating the whole story again. I have no secret honestly. What I love talking with my friends are our lifes, each other's up and downs, or anything about the world. True, everyone has something kept deep in their heart and wanted to tell but not everytime, not me.
I think it's normal if anyone hated me, though I don't know any yet. Since I really hate myself too. It's really weird when someone told me they know me really well when I don't know much about me yet. 矛盾, the only term I can use to describe myself. I want this and that, I like this and that, I think you're good and bad, I don't fucking know where I want to stand. If you really want an answer, it's anything.
Maybe I already know, but I'm just changing for the better. Isn't it obvious? I'm not satisfied with myself at all.
Step by step, I would know what I truly want.
You know, sometimes I think it's a blessed to have a best friend. One call and there she/he is, giving you his/her shoulders and hugs whenever you need it, talking about the world and your futures together, living next to each other with our own family someday, saying that non of us will leave each other forever. I'm sure it isn't easy to look for one though. Looking for a person you could trust no matter what, knowing that he/she will support and stand by your side through your toughest moment, accepting you for whatever you are, listening to whatever craps you're talking yet thinking it's funny, giving you relationship advice and so on. As hard as looking for a soulmate. I think the only different between a bestfriend and soulmate is that your heart wouldnt beat faster everytime you meet them, you wouldn't care how you look like whenever you're with them. I don't really know actually, since I never touch love. But what I heard is, if you really found your soulmate, you just know.
I have alot of friends around me, but I'm not sure how many of them cares. For bestfriend, I have someone in mind, but I'm starting to doubt if he thinks the same way too. I started keeping everything to myself, not because he isn't trustworthy, he seems busy and I know he'll spend time listening to me but I don't think it's right for me to disturb him. Thus, he has alot of friends around him. I don't know which place am I now.
Sometimes, I chose to kept silence and not telling anyone anything was not because of some big secret or something, I just don't like being judged by my mistakes. I already know what I've done wrong, so I'm tired of repeating the whole story again. I have no secret honestly. What I love talking with my friends are our lifes, each other's up and downs, or anything about the world. True, everyone has something kept deep in their heart and wanted to tell but not everytime, not me.
I think it's normal if anyone hated me, though I don't know any yet. Since I really hate myself too. It's really weird when someone told me they know me really well when I don't know much about me yet. 矛盾, the only term I can use to describe myself. I want this and that, I like this and that, I think you're good and bad, I don't fucking know where I want to stand. If you really want an answer, it's anything.
Maybe I already know, but I'm just changing for the better. Isn't it obvious? I'm not satisfied with myself at all.
Step by step, I would know what I truly want.
No comments:
Post a Comment